“That’s the way it is with dreams. They scratch at your door. You see them through the peep hold: A stray dream looking for a home. You think it might go away if you ignore it. Wrong. It’s still there when you open the door, smiling. Wagging it’s tail.”
It’s rather amusing to me that this is the quote on the cover of the notebook I pulled out the other day to start brainstorming about this. Because I have, for so long, maybe even always, wanted to have work that is based in creativity. A dancer, a writer, a singer, an illustrator, someone who makes pretty things that others will buy…
I’ve wanted to be all of these things at one point or another… and the truth is, if I had a chance to do any or all of those things now… I’d jump at it (then of course, I’d pause and evaluate what would actually be possible with a husband and a 3-month old baby). My problem has been that I’ve been too scared to go after these dreams. To grab them by the tail and pull them back into me before they scamper away to find some more serious… or more daring individual.
And it’s such a hard time to decide to try and do one of these things… because my time to spend independently is so choppy (new baby, and all). But here I am. Suddenly re-inspired. It’s been such a crafty couple of months, and I’ve enjoyed them so.
And I was thinking earlier… why isn’t that just enough? Knitting and crafting and cooking little things for myself or for the baby or Mark or as gifts… writing for myself or to share on the baby blog…
I wondered if having my creations monetized made them feel worth more to me… but that didn’t sound completely true. I wondered if having others acknowledge that my work and my efforts and my thoughts and beliefs have value is some kind of validation for me… and while, of course, it’s lovely and gratifying to see that others value things you create… that doesn’t seem to be the driving force either…
And I started to unravel it on the way to do my last massage of the day on Sunday. It’s about valuing my own creative expression. It’s about saying something, writing something, showing something… just so that more of me can be seen and heard. Yes, I’m thrilled whenever I see a page visit, a comment, or someone says, “Wow, you made that?!” And of course, I wouldn’t be able to start a business without that kind of outside appreciation. But what I’ve realized is that even putting something of yourself out for the world to see. To hear and touch and wear and taste… whether they accept it… embrace it… or ignore it. There’s something magical in the delivery. In having made the statement, I have something that the world needs to experience.
And we all do.
I’m just making a pact with myself, today, to step up and join the ones that aren’t afraid to say it.
And live it.