Lessons in Marriage

25 Apr

I’m reminded, last night, as I have been many many times over the past year, of the importance of owning up to your own shit.

I remember reading a line in a book sometime, years ago.  It said that sometimes we don’t even realize we’re in a bad mood until we’re around other people.  It’s like, our moodiness is hard to recognize until it can bump or crash up against another person.

Never have I found that to be more true than in marriage.  And I give myself a huge, internal pat on the back whenever I can pause in the middle of some misplaced crankiness that I’m splattering all over my bewildered, and most often innocent husband… take a breath… and explain what’s really going on in my head.  Resisting the urge to imply that he is somehow to blame.

Most of the time I can get there… even if it takes me a while.

Sometimes I can’t.

But I sure do try.  Because we’re allies in this life we’ve created, not scape goats for our own individual tantrums.  And I like it better that way.

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2 Responses to “Lessons in Marriage”

  1. onechosenfamily April 25, 2012 at 11:47 pm #

    I had an unpleasant interaction with a cashier, and I nearly strangled my son for it when we got to the car. It was amazing to see it happen. I didn’t realize how upset I was, until the temptation arose to dump in on my little guy.

    I think that’s what usually happens – we see the bad mood because it rises up with the opportunity to get dumped on someone who will take it. That usually means partner/family.

    I also have an overwhelming urge to call my husband when I get fearful or stressed, again because somewhere inside I believe that by getting him worked up, I will be relieved of some of my own emotion.

    Sounds like this is your insight too. Let’s keep owning this shit!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Daily Intention: Gentleness & Flexibility? « Conversations - May 12, 2012

    […] Gentleness was my intention for yesterday.  It wasn’t until I was sitting in the beginning of a gentle yoga class that it came to me after a grumpish morning.  The baby has not slept well the past couple nights, and my patience has been short lived.  Unfortunately for my poor Mark, this is not a terribly uncommon occurence. […]

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