So this is an admittedly dramatic title, for an intention that, in practice, may not be a big deal to most people. I’ve never heard anyone talk about their relationship to time in the way that I often experience it. Not only with lament to it’s seemingly swift passing… but with trepidation towards spending the pockets of free time when I do have them. I sometimes get stuck, almost afraid to allocate my time to larger activities or projects, to an extent where I avoid doing things that I want or need to do, simply because of the amount of time I think it will take up in my day.
My moments of alone time are fleeting. Few, far between, and not very long. And they’re precious to me. Because I’m one of those people who needs that alone time to recharge. But I place so much importance on that time… that I end up putting myself through more agony than necessary committing that time to any particular activity. And sometimes I end up avoiding the things that will be beneficial to me, because they will take up a huge chunk of that time I get during one of Mason’s naps. And I know the next chunk of time won’t come for another couple of hours. And that there are only three of these chunks in a day.
I wimp out in the face of time. All too often. And spend it doing smaller things, that make less of a difference to me in the long run.
So my intention today, is to not be intimidated by time. To do the things I want and need to do in the time that I have, and trust that they will be the things that rejuvinate me.
Does anyone else have this kind of hang up about time? I’d love to know if I’m not alone in this.